How's Co-Parenting Going? “Fine.” Yeah. I Was the Fine Queen Too.
How's the divorce going? Fine. How's co-parenting? Great, it's fine, we are fine.
Meanwhile you're the one sending every reminder, every practice schedule, every “don't forget picture day.” You somehow became your ex's secretary, and nobody asked you if you wanted the job. You're bending more than Gumby to keep the peace, and you're still fighting about pickup times, who owes who for daycare, and who said what in a text three weeks ago.
Your Plan Says This. It Needed to Say That.
| What it says now | What it should say |
|---|---|
| “Split winter break |
A date. I like the 26th. Because it won't be 18 days, it'll be 19, and I'll tell you who gets the extra one. The high-conflict parent. |
| “Alternate holidays annually” | Who has it in even years, who has it in odd years, and what time it starts. Ask me how I know. |
| “ |
Set times and one method, so nobody's grilling your kid with 55 questions about your house. |
Vague language is future conflict written on paper, and every time it sends you back to court, Larry the lawyer gets another retainer.Ring, ring.
If I Had to Build My Own Plan With a High-Conflict Ex, These Are the 4 Hills I'd Die On
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Who decides what.
No vague “joint legal.” Who decides on school, doctors, therapy, sports? Spell it out.
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A holiday schedule with real times in it.
No Oreo holidays, no assumptions, and no “I thought pickup was at 8am.”
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Communication boundaries.
One parenting app. No texting. No 24/7 access to disrupt your home.
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Who pays for what outside child support.
Sports, braces, school fees, field trips. Who pays what percentage, how do you send receipts, and what's the deadline? If this isn't detailed, you'll fight about money for years.
Most people fight over emotional things. Smart moms and dads fight over structure.
Everything else? Move it around all you want. The holiday split and the small stuff can bend for your family. These four can't.
You Are Not Their Secretary Anymore
If you found the practice schedule online, guess what, so can they. Once you're divorced, everybody puts on their big boy pants and their big girl pants and runs their own household.
I know the biggest worry. “I don't want to look like I'm not a good co-parent.” Okay, but why did that job get assigned to you? They're a parent too, right? Send a picture of the schedule if you want to be nice about it, and then you're done.
I am no longer anyone's secretary.
The Parenting Plan Partner Report ($497)
Send us the plan you're stuck with. You get back:
- Every gap, section by section, and why it's a problem
- What your ex can do with it, so you see it coming instead of finding out on a holiday
- The specific language that closes it, written so you can hand it straight to your attorney
Not sure your plan is the problem? Take the free Gap Check. It costs you nothing but a few minutes.
Check My Plan FreeThe Ugly Truth of Divorce
Some people in my community aren't even going through a divorce anymore. They're just co-parenting, years out, trying to survive a plan that was written badly. That might be you.
- Weekly live coaching with me, with replays for the weeks you can't make it
- Lessons on the stuff that keeps coming back: handoffs, holidays, a co-parent who goes quiet, and a kid stuck in the middle
- A place to ask the question that can't wait for your next attorney appointment
Moms have one private room and dads have another. Same coaching, same me.
