I'm Not Going to Learn From a Dentist With No Teeth. Neither Should You.
The short version
I'm Sam. I'm a Retired Certified Divorce Mediator, I've written over 5,000 parenting plans, and I got divorced when my kids were one and three. My custody battle kept me in and out of court for 8 years. Co-parenting took 18.
The Real Version
For a decade I ran every single decision through my ex-husband's filter. What time does he put the kids to bed? Seven? Then I'd better not do 7:30. If they go to his house with plaque on their teeth, that's my fault. If they get sick, it's probably mold at my house. I was so scared of being the bad mom that I forgot I was allowed to be a mom at all.
At work I was confident. I coached basketball, I ran my classroom, I told people exactly what I thought. Then my ex would walk in and I'd turn into a little sheep in the corner.
One day I was giving my son Walker a speech about standing up for himself. Be loud, speak your mind, don't cower. And he looked at me and said, “But you don't.” He was nine.
Around the same time, the MTV awards were on and Pink was doing her badass thing hanging from the ropes. My daughter goes, “Wow, I want arms like hers.” I was sitting there at 195 pounds with a bag of chips and dip. And at night, after the kids went to bed, I was hiding in the garage smoking and drinking a beer, scared to death they'd wake up and see me.
I'm telling you this because everybody hits a moment like that before they snap out of it. Mine came from my kids.
So I started over. Therapy, personal development, I quit drinking and smoking, and I started working out at five in the morning because it was the only quiet time I had. My therapist told me the one thing I could control out of all the bullshit in co-parenting was my health, so I did. And I started paying attention to the shitty parenting plan that had been running my life the whole time.
Here's what nobody tells you. We spend so much energy worrying about the judge, the GAL, the ex, the neighbors and the new partner that we forget to ask what our kids think of us right now.
Your kids know when you're cowering. Mine did. And once I got stronger, they did too.
Why Parenting Plans
Because mine was garbage, and almost every one I read since has the same problems.
Reasonable this, mutually agree that, to be determined later. A lot of them are written by people who've never had to live by one, and you can't know this pain until you've handed your kid off in a parking lot.
If I'm going to learn something that matters this much, I want to learn it from somebody who's lived it, messed it up and has the hindsight to show me what to focus on. That's who I try to be for you.
So I built the Gold Standard, tested on the hardest cases I've seen, from manipulative co-parents to military families, deployments, relocations, long distance, and kids with special needs who don't fit a standard schedule. The protections that hold up in those situations are the same ones that keep a normal week from turning into a fight.
Then I built The Ugly Truth of Divorce, because a plan fixes the paper and you still need somewhere to take the week you're having.
What I'm Not
I'm not your attorney, and I'll tell you that before you can ask. I give strategy on a parenting plan, not legal advice. Run everything past your own lawyer.
Where You've Heard Me
iHeartRadio, The DRV Law Show, Karen Covy, plus divorce and family law podcasts and media across the country.
I'm not going to give you the plan where you get everything. I'm going to give you the one you can live with.
Check My Plan Free
